Wednesday, November 26, 2008
me: YEAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't sleep a wink last night :(
Joshua: Oh Hai !!! we have AK-47's and grenades...
SCREW YOUR TRIDENT OBEROI
me: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
me: I want to know what someone like me can do about it
Joshua: You, nothing ; Me, Nothing
me: And they captured westners
Joshua: I can't even carry a firearm here
me: I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING JOSH
Not sit here like this
Joshua: Support your police
me: No no
Not retaliate again with Violence
Joshua: Believe me, if I was at there I would rather have had a gun...
to shoot them down at that point
me: but what about their camarades ?????
We have let fear take over us
Joshua: It's a big urban environment where they take advantage of no one else having guns
they have the initiative, so a few guys with pistols at the right time could shift the balance of the fight
you hit them when they don't expect it you have a chance to save a lot of people
me: yeah but future ???
Joshua: thats why by the time the police show up so many get killed, they have lost crucial minutes while terrorists get set up...
me: yeah but future ??? and what about those who come back
Joshua: In the future have a plan
me: and what if we get used to the idea of carrying guns to surprise
Joshua: don't go anywhere you don't know two ways out of..
me: and what happens to the world that JUST GETS USED to shooting when they think there is trouble :( NO JOSH
Joshua: You do more good not having a gun 99% of the time
me: :( NO JOSH
NOT GOOD AT ALL
Joshua: Like I said, 99% of the time, guns are no good
Joshua: this was a 1% er though...
me: That 1% counts The INDIAN POLICE which is SUPPOSED carry guns and protect
Joshua: On the plus side, once the Oberoi statistically it's the safest hotel in India...
me: yeah.. to construct new crappy looking builidings after having our national heritage Bombed :( :( :(
Joshua: You have to remember the problem with an event like is that no expects it. In wars there are fights a lot worse than this, but it is normal, it feels less bad because you know it's coming...
Joshua: 1000 TIMES more people died in the fighting in Stalingrad 60 years ago, but, Like Stalin Said, it just seems like a statistic
me: Coz both parties are carrying guns
Joshua: you expect the fight
me: and no one is taken by surprise
Joshua: You don't have a bunch of assholes killing women and children
me: :( yeah CORRECT
Joshua: When the government finds Deccan Mujahadeen they should all be shot...
me: :P Funny :D Our Government said we'll give them a "Moo thod jawab" (slap in the face response) I wonder who THEM are
Joshua: or at least forced to live the rest of their lives without skin... :P
Joshua:Does it hurt when the wind blows asshole?
me: NO its doesn't
Joshua: thats what you would say to the Mujahadeen
me: but all this is very Angry VIOLENT ways of reacting
Joshua: True, you have to respond to the direct threats in kind though Vishnu
me: Josh, there will never be an end to the violence if you on this trip
Joshua: you just have to make sure that you don't let things spill over...
Joshua: Vishnu, as long as there are people there will be violence, it is the heart of all of us, even those that want it the least...
Moreover there is a time for violence, but not against the innocent, what these guys did was very wrong...
me: :( yeah I know, I can't understand though, the reasons for all these terror acts
Joshua: I feel like Justice and Mercy are the only remedies to these problems
some need to be punished and some need to be helped...
at little Mercy sooner prevents a lot of Justice later...
me: :( I Sincerely wish there was a Ruthless chef to rule this country
and take things in his hands
Joshua: That won't stop things like this...
India flows and overflows, to tame India at the point of sword or spear is foolish...
You fix India in the soil first...
You give people something to live for, and they won't turn into murderous dogs...
Give a person a life worth living where they can be a human and you won't have this...
We all need hope; for life, love, our future, our desires and our needs....
These fools think all of that comes after they die, but only hell awaits...
me: yeah. But what about the world thats already set. with everyone already in their place and their dissatisfactions and miseries; that look like are caused by others...
Joshua: Nothing is set, everything changes, and you only have to embrace that change in your heart
But you can't blame others for your misery
me:EXACTLY what one needs to KNOW. They seem to blame someone all the TIME for their miseries...
how do we PUT this word acrosssssssssss ????
me: The circumstances where they are pushed to think 5 rupees are better than their useless lives and that they sacrifice it for JIHAD
Joshua: Again, that is why we ALL have to work together, that is why I give respect to everyone, especially the lowest...
That is why I open the doors for the cleaners...
me: and NOT AGAIN by SHOOTING and saying DIE MOTHER F**KEr
Coz you killed
Joshua: I know
me: Now his entire family turns in to murderous dogs
coz now they blame me for having cleaned the previous mess
THIS IS a CIRCLE :(
Joshua: I suppose
me: I don't know where it can be stopped :( when and How
I want to do something
Joshua: What did you do today
me: NOT AIM AND SHOOT BUT SOMETHING TO BRING FORTH THE CHANGE
What did I Do ... TALK TO EVERYBODY, CRY :(
Joshua: How about you help somebody
me: NOTHING IMPORTANT
NOTHING HOPELESSLY NOTHING!!!!!!
Joshua: You live right next to a slum, what do you do for them?
me: yeah those little somethings I DO. But They are not the people hitting back, The big slums tho' once were these small slums that needed help before someone like me an "emoting side kick realised" THE MAFIA approached them a long time ago...
Joshua: Vishnu, I know you want to do more, but remember, all you can do is be smart and watch out for yourself and those around you
me: :( NO I WANT TO DO SOMETHING!!!
I don't know what
BUT not just sit here and CRY.
But do something really Bring in the required Change...
Joshua: Well you can't do what you don't know how to do...
What do you think you can do?
me: :D Guess So
DON"T KNOW !!!
Joshua: Maybe about this nothing...
me: But I know the answer will come to me, now that I have asked the question
Joshua: Mourn if you have to
me: :( yeah OK.
Joshua: But realize it is what you do everyday not that matters
me: It does too nah JOSH
What I Do everyday matters Too... How can it not ???
Joshua: Don't worry about the storm... build a house that can withstand...
Joshua: That is life
me: When MY entire family is being wiped off for whom will I build A house
What purpose will it serve.
I feel SOO HELPLESS
I want my country to be safe.
me: and Don't want my brothers and cousins to retaliate violently
Joshua: There aren't many safe places on Earth...
me: Strom is safer... and So are Volcanoes we know when they may come But NOT A NEIGHBOUR with a GUN
Joshua: You might not get shot in Antartica, but you will die other ays...
Joshua: Vishnu, I and almost everyone in my family owns firearms, so does Jim...
me: :( Not very nice to know that. Josh
Joshua: Guns aren't the problem...
me: I am overwhelmed at the moment will see ya in a bit :(
Joshua: O.K. take care...
me: :( that makes me want to cry...
TAKE CARE :( :D
Joshua: I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better
me: Its Ok ,man thanks already for talking to me... But tell me that the whole of last night didn't happen
Joshua: But these aren't things I can change...
me: yeah, I know It sucks Though !!!
Joshua: I know, it sucks
me: :D Its OK JOSHUA, I'll feel alright in a bit
Joshua: It sucked when these people flew jets full of people into our biggest buildings...
me: I know
Joshua: We will win
me: I understand there are terrorist attacks in other countries too - And they do stir me like any others. But to shake you, it has to occur close to you, I cry when I see photos of the Afghan war inspite of that... I am tired, of all this shooting and retaliating, then going back again for the final word...
But I do feel now what you probably felt then only that we are not as strong as US is ...
Joshua: They can't go on forever, but people like us are stronger than them
me: and for you it happened once and your govt took care of it
HERE !!! You'll see NOTHING!!!
Politicians will seize this occassion to raise their bets...
The Janta will sigh and say Ok this time ONLY 80 died.
TV will cover this event EVERYDAY for the coming week, Then Poofff fall back on the same sensational news on who bitched about who in what pop show.
I already hear people say, yeah its OK... THEY'll FORGET about it until our memory is refreshed with an other Bombing incident... This time it was OUR nation and God forbid.. The next time around it could be our city or even our house !!!
OUR GOVERNEMENT is sitting here with henna on hands... The police is most confused... They don't know where to go and what to do, So funny, Ironical
Joshua: India is strong enough too
Have a little faith
I love India too much to think that it will fail...
If you don't have your own faith, have some of mine :D
Again take care, and remember it will be all right...
me: What can I do so India doesn't fail ???
Thursday, October 23, 2008
In an instant blossom all the street flowers...
With their hands stretched out, eyes shone, hearts open and smiles bearing mystery
A lotus approaches me, tugs at my sleeve, looks me in the eye;
outstretched hand asking for a fee...
I dig in to pull out a coin,
uninterested really in what coin it may be.
our locked gaze make time flee,
Everything around is a blue white haze.
Traffic signal turns red to green,
Life falls back on to the earth,
time gushing in to push aside the wild roses aside,
Loud sirens and honks burning out the silent secrets shared.
The vehicle I am travelling in stop again at the signal,
Lotus, my friend dazzle again, outstretched hand a mechanical gesture,
I know, she knows, coin is an excuse.
Eyes remain fused,
Traffic signal turns from Red to Green
And the FLOWER smiles, turning my world PINK ...
Friday, October 17, 2008
A few days ago, late afternoon, at around 4'o clock, I was walking down my street with a friend of mine and he noticed a man pull down his pants and pee right on the main alley in full visibility, My friend stopped dead in his tracks and said "This man is an animal he can't hold on until he gets home, In the US this is inadmissible... I laughed and kept my thoughts to myself...
I am born here in India and for me a scene like that greets me at least thrice a day... He is not born here nor did he live here long enough, aloud I said "NO COMMENTS..." at the same time I was reminded of an incident that shocked me silly.,
I was taking a ride back with a friend of mine working then with GE, he lived for a while in the US ( LOL) , consuming beer early that evening was not easy on his belly and the bumpy roads weren't of much help neither... HE said Dude I have to absolutely take a leak... I looked around to see where he could LEAK, He notices my dilemma and says But I can just turn to the wall and paint it... Thought that was very Funny and laughed but Didn't want to be part of that Indian slapstick comedy scene... Gritt my teeth and held on to the bike and rode back all the way with the thought of the guy not washing his hands after Peeing... Eeaaawww !!! I kept saying Ayyo! in head, and when I got off that evening I was praying to god that he shouldn't offer to shake my hand , Then I have to invite him inside for an acid wash and then maybe shake his hand that had pee drops for 20 minutes long...
I had come back to present where My American friend was telling me some of his Childhood P games :p I was laughing and in exchange I told him what I saw, when I was coming back from the pool... right opposite Secunderabad club... (those of you who know Secunderabad, You'll Know what kind of an area that is, if you don't then its one of those real Richie's locality...) I was in an auto and I saw a car parked and the door of the car open from a certain angle I could see a child's legs and ray of pee... ( LOL I thought the only difference between the have's and have nots is that one can afford cover and the others can't!!!)
In that flow an other P story resurfaced, Dr VENKAT, he is a 85 years young farmer, most part of his life he worked to teach farmers the importance of Organic farming... One Sunday Ashwin, Deva, Brenda, Marcus, Kiki and me went over to his place... amidst coffee and cigarettes each revealed their inner passions and Surprisingly enough LAND ANIMALS PLANTS WATER and HUMANS were the centre of the discussion, Doc Kept calling man Animal and KIKI (the German lady) was getting edgy... well so the real incident that actually flummoxed me was Brenda Announcing "I have to PEE and not in the loo And Doc says sure wherever you want... I really thought that was a JOKE BUT NO They were both not kidding, Brenda went straight in to the land adjacent to the house, and comes back with a glee to thank Dr. venkat for letting her Contribute, Surprisingly no one were shocked that day... and the conversation revolved uniquely on P. Doc explained about the needs of an agricultural LAND and how civilisation is depriving it of its rightful paybacks...
This may sound radical and even disgusting to some of you there... In Japan There are people who are fed and paid to Umm... Unload in winters, and in summers the household takes turns to nourish the land,(A friend of mine told me about it and I was Not sicked out)
In Ladakh there are open lands and a tiny enclosure where you do your job, cover the stuff with mud... So it composts and can be used for farming purposes... as the land needs a composition of ammonia and live minerals that can mix with the earth, easy and quick (That Human Urine/feces consists) In a certain quantity ,
Human beings are the one's who don't recycle... says Green peace Anarchists , where do the sea creatures defecate and pee ?? and Ocean's are the cleanest places ( until human interference)
India is seeing the heights of urbanising only from past 20 years ago... and majority of India is still rural, for them the concept of storing wastage in a place with out recycling it is weird... I was once told by my maid that even really tasty food when stored for long time can stink up the place, I think she is right.
Urbanisation is a threat to the land...
I am not disgusted anymore ... At least unknowingly man is doing some good to the land... and Wondered if I can ever convince my friend and many people out there that its alright to pee outside... Why is it so difficult for us to see someone pee specially when its going in to the land to nourish it ?? Moreover in the most developed countries nudity is not a Taboo but providing the land of its rightful ,minerals is.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I was heading off to work, with beatific plans of the week-end lying ahead of me... semi awake and uninterested in looking out at the same view that greets me 5 out of 7days in a week, Me and Pepsi were in a state of amnesia (she comes to work with me... ) when I was jolted out of my delirium, we have reached Hi tech city, Didn't realise how fast we can cover the distance at early hours and that too in the comforts of an air-conditioned cab, driven by a skilled enthusiastic chauffeur. When a dexterous driver steps hard on the car BREAK, one understands what near death experience is. I was surprised to see that at an early hour like that there was a Traffic jam, and began to recount all my frustrations about bad traffic in Hyderabad, and voice them aloud to Narsimha (that's my efficient chauffeur's name... ) he listens for a second and the turns back and says Madame I need to go see whats happening... I say OK.
Narsimha parks the car, silences the engine and Pepsi wants to get out of the enclosure too... I tell myself why not !!! It is good to sometimes expose oneself to the Non-CONDITIONED air...
LOUD noises, Buzz err Krssshhhhh OIE arrreeeyyyy MAKK Eeee Grrrr brought me back from my wonderland, Along came the actuality of stopping the car with lightning break and Narsimha's sudden passing out of the sight... that happened 5 minutes agooo...
Where is Narsimha ??? I look around and spot my Driver, from where I was standing it looked like he was being beaten up ... OH MY GOD WHY IS NARSIMHA being beaten up ???
I put Pepsi in to the car... to run in the direction of the crowd where Narsimha is being beaten up... DAMN IT poor guy, what did he do ??? I was trying to cross the road with my eyes fixed on the crowd... now am Closer... Close enough; to see details, CROWD was made of 4 participants and 1 victim and the rest of 12 to 15 people were audience entertained by the spectacle that was happening there... absolutely unaware that they are big hindrance to the traffic...
DON'T go there Madam, those people are hungry beasts, Lets go back... Says Narsimha... Ooofffffff !!!!!! Relief that its not NARSIMHA being thrashed...
nevertheless it is a man, some man I don't know who is being pound into powder...
who is that man being beaten almost as if they mean to extract juice out of him...
I needed absolutely to go and see, and know why were these very angry mortals testing that other man's mortality ???
I look back and Pepsi is scratching on the window pane with gusto, I sometimes wonder if Pepsi thinks that she can wear things out thin enought to make an escape way by scratching on them for a certain time; comedy in an action film.
I continue ahead with Narsimha following me constantly asking me to not go anywhere close to the crowd. But I needed to know like the way he did 10 minutes ago.
I approach the crowd and look for traces of kindness in these people who were watching, I see smiles that made me want to look for hidden cameras somewhere... May be its all for gags, if not why are these people standing there and watching with a smile.
I ask my neighbour Sir what happened ??? he says " HUM KO KYUN JI" (meaning Its none of our business)
WHAT ???? WHHHHHHATTTTTTTT ???????????? Then why is he standing there and watching the show ??? Like it is his BUSINESS TO WATCH a man being hammered but he doesn't want to know why. VERY WELL. I decided to address the animals directly, I went right in between and said "Please tell me what happened? " even before I could get a response to my question, I was forced out by a very concerned lady (her concern directed towards me) she tells me AMMA please go away, that man deserves all the beating, I ask again Why and she says see amma he drank so much last night he came and fell on the porcelain jars... He was still sleeping right there, shame less man, look two of them broke and 4 cracked. The two that broke are the best pieces and they cost 800/- each and this drunkard man is refusing to pay.
Viola so the reason was out in the open... :(
I don't understand if this was right and if it calls for soo much assault. OK may be the 4 men are frustrated coz their labour is destroyed, what about all these people standing around and watching the TAMASHA ??? There is zero compassion in these people, moreover they are enjoying watching the violence... fellow-feeling just seemed to have died. My heart began to sink I could feel it in my feet, any more of this and It will flow out on to the floor... and carry on in its journey to find a volcano... (what ??? Anyways!!!)
Thinking proactive I ask myself What can stop these people ??? POLICE. yes. I tell them that if they don't stop this nonsense immediately I'll call COPS. They stop and look at me. The man who was thumped was lying right there on the ground, I look at him he must be in his early 30's coming from an auto-rikshaw family back ground... from where could he have given 800*2 to these guys, besides he must have thought its easier to be bashed up than pay such a huge some...
Is 1600 really such a huge sum to these people that they beat another man up with absolutely no remorse... ??? My god I was thinking of all the times I spent that kind of money for a single not soo delicious meals in restaurants and felt soo ashamed. That money means someones life...
That Friday made me so heavy hearted, People watch a fellow being beaten up and don't do anything about it... affected people thrash up coz their loss is too much... and People also prefer to be beaten up than pay that money.
I still don't understand, But in that incomprehension I learnt something, a memorable incident in otherwise uneventful ordinary life... I left from there feeling as beaten up as the man himself, only that my wounds were not physical, under trauma were my belief in humanity and the modern situations that are motivating people to turn violent...
Last Friday was like all the other Fridays except that I began to question if we are the same nation that fought its Independence war "NON VIOLENTLY" ???
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I thank my lucky stars that I found her who not just cleans my house but also teaches me the importance of being on time, along with diligence and dedication. Breaking all my prejudices. She is the living example that punctuality and assiduousness are not part of the privileged part of the society, but its an innate nature with some miraculous individuals. She teaches me that if I accept to take up a job I should give the job same attention everyday and be as enthusiastic about doing it each day.
Daily chores don't demand much creativity, but they can hinder a clean living, causing one's back to itch subconsciously. I thank Kalamma for cleaning, the mess and doing it everyday with out complaining. I ask myself if I can keep up a cheerful face to go and clean someone else's dirt. NO. I already know the answer. only gods have that ability. KALAMMA is Goddess.
Name : Kala (amma= mother)
Weight : 42 kgs
Height : 4 f 11"
marital status: married for 20 years to an alchoholic auto driver
Previous work Ex : 10 years in the rice fields , 18 years of working as house help.
Interests : likes music, specially telugu film songs, likes to be photographed.
objectives : to send her daughter to Dubai as a NURSE. and get her married to a nice non-alchoholic Lorry driver (:D)
Life moto: Don't trust men, work to fend for yourself
Monday, September 29, 2008
A strange feeling began to loom as the week was coming to an end... the security of the office and people around was slowly crumbling away to expose two days of solitude. Friday night flew away like a scared bird, and boom comes Saturday morning, 4 am and the rooster was announcing the approaching DOOM... I don't want to wake up... at the usual hour... 4:00 am. Happy rooster doesn't shut up... Crackk raaa rooo crack kOOOO it sings on and on... I close my eyes tight... tighter... naa nothing still going on... with the Crack song... I pray to a Hungry gaint to appear and gulp up the tiny beast... No, Nothing stilll... sigh, more sigh, tosss turn, and sigh some more as the loud alarm Trrrrrrrinnngggg breaks the last traces of sleep... Ayyo, saturday I should be sleeping till noon or something not wake up at 5 :00 am
Well so I wake up promising to take it sloooowwww... unaware of my resolution My OVER ENTHOUSIASTIC PEPSI jumps up on me, licks me with its dragon breath mouth, showing how much she missed me while I was not awake. runs all over the place, looking like a white bundle of energy...
While I brush my teeth, Pepsi MEDITATES ON MY TOOTH BRUSH, tripping on the movements of my hands, Strangely I enjoy her looking at me with such devotion, I am the centre of her world and I relish her attention, but on a saturday morning like this when all I want to do is just sink in to my bean bag in the balcony and read my palms to see the lines change or see the slowness of the growth of my plants, Pepsi wants to go FOR A RUN. I take my time to test Pepsi's patience, concentrating on each tooth... Nothing breaks this ATOM BOMB.
She waits until am done. Looking at me and silently saying to herslef, ha ha you have to end this act at some point, can't stand and brush all day.
5 15 am, teeth brushed woken up completely, and confused as to what to do I stand in the hall, Its still dark outside, What to do ??? Zooommmmm comes the answer, Pepsi dashing for the door from behind me... reminding me that She is there and that she desires to go OUT. NOW.
I get her leash and manage to get it around her neck, (Oooffff) , put my shoes on and head out...
5 30 am We are on our way to... NOWHERE, I just follow Pepsi.. She walks ahead and I follow behind, running to the spot and sniff its history, looking very happy about her discoveries she heads off again, in a different direction... I Follow.
6 30 am Pepsi is tired and she sits on the road, we came a long way from home, so I look for an auto to head back, we are both very hungry, no autos anywhere in the Horizon... Pepsi looks at me, I know what That look means ... I ignore her, pretending to look for an auto and tug her along, she refuses to walk, ohh NO!!! GOD!!! I can't carry her and walk back on a hungry stomach, So I chant my Luck Mantra 3 times (Miracle Miracle happen again) Not a Single auto in sight, Of course its 6 35 am which auto guy starts that early on a staruday morning???
Picked Pepsi up to head back home.. sigh! sigh! more sigh, hufff pufff ... Home... Ahhh thank god. just 3 floors to climb and I'll be home, My energy bundle is experiencing the pleasure of inertia and total submission in my arms... And My arms are experiencing complete senselessness...
7 15 am Home sweet home.. I have such a beautyful house :D quite and welcoming, ohh am tired, and hungry, gave Pepsi her milk and she just sniffed it alll in less than a minute... Rogue!!!
7 40 am ummm half way after eating my cereals I was experiencing a state of exhileration of satiation and my head began to swirl with a strange morning sleep... and I just push the bowl aside rest my head on a floor cushion and I snooze... promising myself that I won't wake up before noon. brilliant light shut out by my arm across my eyes... a smile on my face, Pepsi on my side... Snoooozzzzzz
Don't know what time, I woke up ... Must be noon, My watch says 8 35 am (???)
what happened ??? Still sleepy ... TING TONG My doorbell rings again This time Pepsi works her Vocal chords with double the vengeance....
Ahhh DAMN who could it be ???
My maid servant (an another over enthu cutlet who never takes an off...) I look at her through half open door, tell her "Ahhh KALAMMA Please come tomorrow" She goes away, I try to go back in to my state of bliss... just slipping back in to the state of Nirvana again... TING TONG TING TONG, My bell rings again enraged I go to the door, I would have run out of place that day to burry the bodies if I had to have let my anger loose. I open The DOOR and VIOLA MY MOM :D smiling at me she says SURPRISE !!! Finish, My SLOW ZEN SATURDAY went in Hatha yoga route.
That strange sense of Lonely slowness just evaporated in the heat of my Mom and Pepsi's presence.
PS: I love them Both :D A LOT :D
Monday, July 14, 2008
I feel a huge sense of gratitude towards my man who made me discover Photography as a subject, until he came into my life it was just something that happened in weddings for me... I have enjoyed being his subject, Guess that's how he instigated my interest in it. I still can only look into the lens but not through them... I enjoy being on the other side of it, and am dreadfully confused to be on the click side.
So today was the official projection of the pictures taken by the group of 11 photographers in India along with the ones taken in Hyderabad by Olivier Culmann. A very original (composing) photographer, he explores the options of placing 2 contrasting elements to narrate a theme.
My boss seemed exhilarated to see the reception today, many were curious to see what a French man sees in India, and the results were wonderful and specially with the Theme that they have chosen is not just original but enlightening of sorts to us Indians, On how fast the cities changed in the recent past… The BOOK mirrors all contrast that our country is, the regularity in chaos the coexistence of religion glamour politics modernity traditions and myths and research centers that India is, The story of the burning enthusiastic sub continent; that is called MAD IN INDIA,
Olivier had a chapter in the book Hanuman sapiens