Recognizing the Unbefitting

However Self aware we are of our emotions… No one is beyond the first 6 basic emotions (Happiness Sadness Fear Anger Surprise and Disgust), and to me it was surprising to realize that LOVE and HATE are learnt or acquired emotions… along with Jealousy… deducing that it is possible for some Humans to lead a life free of some acquired emotions… Given a choice I would unlearn to be Jealous.
I cannot distance myself from the world around me, I strive to live harmoniously with all and it is beyond me to not be affected by how people around me act. I am unable to turn my brain off which constantly picks on signals off of people and I stop myself from acting on my compelling responses. It is easy to Hurt the person who always hurts you, EASY!!! Especially when we have a repertoire of justifications.
Humans (I like using that word “Humans” It helps me to distance myself from all that is human and see how Non-Humans or super humans would behave) have a natural tendency to ascribe meaning to all the experiences and then categorize them into GOOD EXPERIENCE and BAD EXPERIENCE and then HATE OR LIKE the people who caused those experiences… BUT is there a pattern in which we associate these experiences. The perception of these experiences real or projected from our previous learning’s rooted soo deep into us that we are unable to disassociate ourselves from these experiences? (When I start to think in these lines I feel like I am thousands of feet elevated above the ground and am ready to Jump off… with NO support at all… it is a proof that I am unable to keep my thoughts and emotions in separate compartments)
I wish to be a Non-Human and NOT REACT to people who deliberately go out of their way to be NASTY with me… but how many times will I be successful in doing so with people who are somehow entwined to my life? … This remains a 50 dollar question (as some said to me this morning).
I believe that every situation has the power to teach us about life because it is life’s way of exposing us to something unfamiliar, a lesson we overlooked...
However I think in a situation our responses become more and more programmed… I am used to getting scared of dark, a habit carried forth from childhood… I show my respects elders by touching their feet, action out of an osmosis I don’t analyse… I forgot the initial impressions of the experiences that evoke these emotions in me and in order to get to that, I have to peel off the, accumulated layers. (I am an onion now)
A crazy but fun experience of peeling away these layers to get to the original impressions to understand a larger story… To understand if the lion attacks the frightened or the attack causes the fright… To understand whether someone’s meanie behavior causes ill feelings in me or vice versa… IS IT THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG???
I still feel as confused as when I started to try and cast some light on these abstract feelings… The essence of all this churning still remains like the colour of summer sunset… Is it Bluish-Red? Bluish-Orange? Or Bluish-Yellow? And By the time I decipher… it is all grey…