Lunacus... MY Madness and the Phases of the Moon.

A strong need to contemplate my happiness made me unhappy.

I was looking through the symptoms of winter depression, as I need to associate my misery to something. A failing relationship that crackles and dampens with slightest provocation, two great friendships turned sour due to gossip, and malicious misinterpretation of my words.

Or Is this the effect of tomorrow's lunar eclipse and full moon effect on me ??? 

Whatever... I feel a frog in my throat. Despite myself, I am nurturing this frog, fattening it with it's favorite diet- Misery.  I gave it a name, I check on it's needs from time to time, VERY fondly. Being a woman it comes naturally to me to love something that is growing in me. And I want this frog in my chest to grow Bigger and BIGGER to out do me in size. Then to swallow me.

Origin of LUNATIC

Middle English lunatik, from Anglo-French or Late Latin; Anglo-French lunatic, from Late Latin lunaticus, from Latin luna; from the belief that lunacy fluctuated with the phases of the moon

First Known Use: 14th century

Charm...?!!!

They said you either got it; or you ain't. I didn't. So I went out... Stole it.

NOW I am charming.

Love ...?!!!

 Is conditional, conditioned, conditioning. 


Hair and Love both need care and conditioner Interchangeably.

OK -whatever, I don't care.

My horror is my inability to define anything in words and most times I even have trouble decoding what a person intends to say when they use certain words, and to further make the situation worse, words like "Okay" "Whatever" "I don't care" confuse the life out of me.  Such indifference scares me. This nonchalance adds to my already fuzzy mind.

In a Finnish restaurant...  Waiter hands 2 menus to "Veggie" and her friend "The eat 'em all" 

Veggie:  Oh my god this menu is filled with options.
The eat 'em all: Yeah yeah, it is. So I want to eat salmon and feta cheese salad, a glass of wine and garlic bread. How about you ?
Veggie: Oh god, I don't know yaaaaaa... this is soo confusing... ***peers at the table next to them***
Waiterrrrr... whatt are they eating there.
Waiter: They are eating minced meat with salad.
Veggie: Do you make minced vegetables with salad ?
Waiter:  ***looking extremely confused looks at The eat 'em all***
The eat 'em all : Hey why don't you order a tomato salad then ?
Veggie: Yaaaacck: But I don't like tomatoes ya... what to do.
The eat 'em all: Ahhh I see; How about a corn and peas salad.
Veggie: Arrey that I can make even at home yaaaaaa....
The eat 'em all : What do you want to eat then ???
Veggie; Whatever. I don't care. Something filling and tasty.
Waiter: Can I suggest french baguette with aubergine and spinach in pesto sauce ?
Veggie: Oh god that sounds soo good but I am so lazy yaaaa... ***Giggles proudly*** I have no patience to chew the baguette.
 The eat 'em all: Waiter, can you please bring my order while my friend here makes her choice.
Waiter: ***Notes the order down, serves water on the table, goes into the kitchen to place the order***
Veggie: Arrey what should I eat ya.
The eat 'em all: What do you feel like eating ?
Veggie: I don't care yaaaa... whatever is fine.
The eat 'em all: How about soups ?
Veggie: a soup hmmm not a bad idea.... ***looks at the soup options*** No yaa... I'll be hungry in an hour.
The eat 'em all: Pasta ?
Veggie: ***after checking the pasta options*** Vegetarian options are so limited yaaa.... Nothing is appealing to me.
The eat 'em all: How about in Rice.
Veggie: Oh god no, it's soo fattening you see this...? ***Points to her big belly***
Waiter: Did you decide ma'am ?

The eat 'em all: Yes She did. Can you please bring a plate of "whatever" and a glass of "I don't care"

Dwelling heights.

Fear is complete lack of trust... Or it is great trust in the power of manifestation of all the pessimistic thoughts, that ever crossed your mind.

I am afraid of heights. I fell off a second storied building (Nothing happened to me then, not even a scratch.) BUT I was scarred mentally, I guess. This evening when I had to rock climb, to lug myself up a straight wall and then let go of the belay to drop to ground... it was living my nightmare while awake.

Surprising bit is when I started to enjoy my nightmare. I enjoyed the climb even though I couldn't get right to the top most times; and to repel off the very first time was mind numbing. 

My fingers, arms, shoulders, thighs and ankles hurt like mad. It was torturous to eat Chinese noodles with chopsticks... however I know I am looking forward to my next climb.

Images that make me smile...

1. A site of a ship on the sea.  Moving or Docked.
2. Sea surface with all it's mysteries beyond.
3. Lovers in conversation.
4. Memories from years long gone and yester-years.
5. Finding peace, solitude and redemption.
6. God... Contemplating about him. 
7. Rediscovering nature.

My BEST friend.

No matter who shuns me away from being their friend, he holds my hand and says he is there for me. Takes time to make me a hot meal when I fall asleep after a long tired day, when his day was as tiring or more. He reads to me while I languish in my scented bath.

He is always there to support me through my weakness, and wear down my complexities. Just am very thankful to share a flat, meals, morning coffees and opinions with my best friend. My life is ten folds richer because of him. I wish to relive this lifetime 10 times over, if he accompanies me.

India is my country

The Pledge is ringing in my ears and I long for the smells and sights of my country. I pour my soul out each time Incredible India ad shows up on TV. I draw on the familiar faces and places it shows. It is already 5 months and a few days that I am away from my country... India. Oh India... my India India India India India  I just love saying the name, the very utterance of the word INDIA gives me strength to handle the intensity with which I miss my India... my country.  This longing I experience for it is no different from the urge I have experienced for my man, my mom and all my dear ones when I was away from them. I love my India, The country of nod, namasthe, food and cricket. The country of bollywood bargain and best product for best price... The distance certainly made me grow fonder of my nation along with helping me to get a new perspective on my incessant cribs and complaints. India tosses aside all notions of rights and wrongs to mash them up to cast new light, be it on marriages, family values, societal norms or education or even on religion.  Yesterday India emerged a victor shrugging away the weight of freedom-struggle to mark itself on the globe. India transformed itself from yesterday of being a land of fakirs lying on the beds of nails, snake charmers, house wives to today's lieu of mathematical geniuses home of software engineers and computer wizards. Today's India sees sari clad beautiful women not only ride motorcycles and cars, but enjoy powerful positions, a proof that the glass ceiling can be lifted away at all places. My India today respects it's yesterday's colonizers commanding their respect in return by speaking their language yet retaining the rich traditions and culture intact. I am proud to have born in the nation where generosity is not always the virtue of the privileged. I am proud to be part of that country where each one is unique by their names, religion, castes, languages, facial features, social segmentation and myriad other things that separate one from an other... a country of contrasts, beautifully diversified that joins hands together in least hesitation to stand in unison. My heart expands with delight when I think of my India today, rich with youthful intelligence that understands the potential of it's great resources and strives to speak up for a better tomorrow. My young India today celebrates it's 63 years of Independence... I stand up and salute to you My India from a far away land, singing with pride "Sare Jahan se Acha Hindustan Hamara" No matter where I go my heart is filled with amour-propre for My mother land India. Jai Hind.

Agnostic

Religion is a beautiful journey and most misunderstood concept exploited for strange purposes all over the world. I am too important to myself to adhere to what was established before I was born... To counter it ain't I a tiny spec with insufficient experience and knowledge... 

 

SO here I stand still searching. An agnostic.

Mölkky

Games are activities that bring people together to strengthen the bond between 

them. We feel that we can perform while confirming to the rules. A challenge that 

requires skill in which we need to concentrate on what we are doing. Setting clear 

goals with constant feedback on performance. Interesting games involve us clearing our minds from our everyday worries. I see that we need to exercise control over 

our environment so we are aware of all the influential factors that lead us to the 

desired conclusion.This way we become less self absorbed. Simple games in good 

company fulfill our needs.  Games tend to maximize the amount of pleasure we getfrom a simple act like aim and throw. Every one's talents are recognised and 

rewarded. Talents that would otherwise go unnoticed. 

Mölkky; an outdoor lawn game contains all the elements I mentioned above. With 

simple rules and inclusive of players of all ages. Ideal for a fun family evening.

How to play: Using Mölkky (the throwing stick) aim and hit the numbered sticks.

                            

Score: The number of the pin that fell. OR The number pins fallen.  

Ex1: If I aim and hit making pin number 8 to fall, My score is 8.

Ex2: If I aim and hit making pin numbers 8 6 and 4 fall... My score is 3.

                                                         

Winner: The first one to make 51. Sounds easy but there is a catch. When you are at 49, all you need is 2 to win, BUT if you accidentally hit a 3 or make 4 pins to fall, your score drops down to zero.

                            

"A family that plays together stays together". Says my grand mom.

Have a great game.

STRONG... STRONGER... STRONGEST...

Human beings possess an incredible ability to be strong. Always more capable than one believes. I am surprised with the thoughts of strength and capability pass through my head on the day I feel so relaxed after coming back from my most glorious 3 day week-end in Parainen Turku. 


Yet, who can stop the thoughts that run like wild horses ? Not me certainly. So I cope with the reality of it just as I  I cope successfully with life's challenge. I was witnessing a lifestyle that was so different from mine. For a while I was nervous but I knew the wisdom that life itself possess and who am I to control it. Let stupid nervousness take control of me to make me in charge of something I can't manage in the first place... I am wise enough to know that this will end up with me feeling guilty. or nervous. 


The weeks, days, and hours leading up to an event that we believe will test our limits, we can become nervous. While we may have previously regarded ourselves as equal to the trials that lie ahead, we reach a point at which they near and our anxiety begins to mount. We then become increasingly worked up, until the moment of truth arrives and we discover that our worry was all for nothing. We are almost always stronger and more capable than we believe ourselves to be. But anxiety is not rational in nature, which means that in most cases we cannot work through it using logic as our only tool. Reason can help us recognize the relative futility of unwarranted worry but, more often than not, we will find more comfort in patterns of thought and activity that redirect our attention to practical or engaging matters.

Most of us find it remarkably difficult to focus on two distinct thoughts or emotions at once, and we can use this natural human limitation to our advantage when trying to stay centered in the period leading up to a potentially tricky experience. When we concentrate on something unrelated to our worryósuch as deep breathing, visualizations of success, pleasurable pursuits, or exerciseóanxiety dissipates naturally. Meditation is also a useful coping mechanism as it provides us with a means to ground ourselves in the moment. Our guides can aid us by providing us with a focal point wholly outside of our own sphere.

The intense emotional flare-up you experience just before you are set to challenge yourself is often a mixture of both excitement and fear. When you take steps to eliminate the fear, you can more fully enjoy the excitement. Though you may find it difficult to avoid getting worked up, your awareness of the forces acting on your feelings will help you return to your center and accept that few hurdles you will face will be as high as they at first appear.


Daily OM !!!!

Maybe out of sight-But-Never out of mind.

It feels wonderful to sit here and write after a long busy day of an unemployed Indian in Finland while A is napping, with people flying over Pohois Haaga (Northern Huopalahti) with an expanse of greenery in front of my window, all around. Birds chirping away, squirrels squeaking (sometimes they give me a head ache... Still better than traffic noise I reckon). I Have been just painfully busy the last couple of weeks, with organising  couch surfers week-end (June 10-June 12th) but things should slow down after this.

 

A was in sweden last working week, while I was exploring Helsinki with some friends as usual, but being alone at home wasn't fun at all. I lugged myself around in the house humming "Ain't no sunshine when he's gone" true to the song it was a long sad gloomy rainy week, with the day stretching on till 2am GAH!!! He came back on friday; packed with a load of sunshine, Fun times again; we were at the world village fest, which was just so wonderful. The food was our top priority and I didn't buy anything (can you guys imagine that ???) The whole feel was similar to our Shilpa Ramam, only with fewer tidier stalls I must say. 

A received a mail from the Embassy asking me to submit my passport, which I did this morning, so now we only have to wait and watch the story after the interval.  This evening I did my first Finnish language lesson. Free lessons for Immigrants with a certain level of English proficiency, conducted by the Blue cross of Finland. Oh MY GOD, felt just crazy to be on the other side of a foreign language class. My dearest Finnish friend (who is a volunteer there and is the one to have informed me of it) was there to help me out at some difficult situations... However the entire hour and half of class felt like a bumpy fast ride, me emerging on the other side with a super strong headache and 2 complete sentences in Finnish. 

I am slowly stepping past that "Ohh MY first finnish etc" area to "Oh I have seen/done this before" area... Still feels FUN. So much more to look forward to. Slowly building up our new support system, making really good friends who are taking good care of us. Friends are new family., Yet, nothing and no one can replace the family in our lives. In a country that's so far away from home where we still can't tell a friend from a stranger, we survive because of the strength they founded in us. 

Finland; Beer for thought

My first impression of Finland was a mail addressed to me, with a Popular Joke that goes like this...

There is this strong silent Finn in the bar; all alone, having his drink quietly. In walks a brit; Itching for any conversation. Recognising that the only guy in the bar is a Finn and knowing their trait, the Brit is anxious not to displease the guy. After quietly debating with himself for more than an hour, the Brit finally plucks the courage to address the Finn with a brief "Hi"
To which the Finn looks up annoyed and asks the Brit -"Are you always so talkative?"

Like all immigrants I came here with all my research in place, patting my back for homework well done.  Within the first month my research was failing me; with series of incidents coming at me from angles I least expected. Drunk Finns was one issue that HIT ME THE MOST.

DRINKING in Finland is like EATING junk food in India. Both even have similar reactions when they overdo it.  When I first encountered a drunk situation it felt like I got kicked in my guts or in the wrong place. I was scared, felt like I was pushed to an inexplicable dark corner.  A super drunk man, in a well fitted whitish suit puking in Huopalahti train station, after few barfs, the man in the suit just sat right down and passed out while the world around him scurried past as if the drunk suited up man gaging was on TV. I felt very sad, yet some strange monster in me felt happy for siting an unusual occurrence...  Ho !!!! BUT HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT IT WAS'T UNUSUAL ???  It didn't take that long for me to realise that bit though.

The following friday, my man asked me to accompany him and a friend of his; who was visiting Helsinki from Copenhagen; in a bar that's right below his work-place. Kitty's is a seriously cozy place. Good for a beer to kickstart the party. To get to the beef of the event,  while we were sitting and conversing, I see a man who was looking longingly at the drinks on our table,  (in the condition that he was in, unable to look straight ... I can't really tell what he was gazing at... the most desirable out there were the drinks I presumed), he didn't stop.
I got annoyed with his gaze in our direction which I felt was slipping a little too much (maybe from being super drunk) from the drinks, to something on my face. I got up from my chair to sit beside my man on settee to avoid looking at the man.

MISTAKE1. An empty chair gave the man THE MOVE, surprisingly quick for a drunk... he appeared on the chair, well I must say just half of him was on it... while the rest of him was happily hanging, (I still give him points for getting off the bar stool across the room on to the chair and setting a new record time for drunks in Europe). Being all new and not knowing how to deal drunks in the first place, in this case that drunk finn who otherwise would be super quiet and always avoid eye contact; is there sitting at our table; he was very curios about us and what we were talking about, my man was first being polite, but it got super annoying after a while as the man was repeating every word we were saying or just trying to touch me...  his english wasn't good enough to understand my man's subtle hints to keep off, events started to go downhill. We handled it. BUT it was all VERY UGLY.

Drunk Episode #3 : My man got back home around 1 30am after hanging out with his work buddies, washed up, done with dinner, and while we were preparing for bed, I thought I heard the door... "Who could it be at that part of the night?" (The answer is right...) a DRUNK FINN this time our dear neighbour who had a bottle of vodka from Russia...He chanted for as long as he was in our flat, that he wanted to get to know his neighbours and all Finns are closed and inferior; whereas he wanted to be different... well He was different... he had two cats and he played drums and preferred Vodka to Beer. (Surprise!). After listening to him chant that for over 23 times, I had a curious feeling that he must have learnt that single phrase by heart on some "teach yourself youtube video" on how to get to know your new neighbours...

I had to peel his hand off the bottle after 4 shots, hid it so my boy was not generous with alcohol to a poor drunk Finn. I had my reasons... I don't like cleaning puke. He invited us back into his apartment... what a relief, we just pushed him in to his bedroom and came back with a dazed amused feeling. Proud that I had become pro, with handling drunk circumstances with just 2 incidents experience...

I am sure every expat here has ton of such amusing friday night anecdotes. this is one of them. Here I stand alone atop a huge rock with a sober head and steady footing screaming with my head held high staring into the wild friday night to my dear drunk Finns "Bring it on" While the sunshines on till midnight...

Hyderabad to Helsinki

I am steadily getting over all the culture shocks, slowly meeting people, making friends, few Finnish, more people from all over the world.

I notice that people here are as helpful as in India, they make sure they contribute to the comfort of your stay. I have 2 good friends so far. One is a German Lady on her maternity leave and is very keen to learn yoga and Bollywood dance from me. (VERY FUNNY I know... BUT She introduces me to her friends that I am her future Bollywood and yoga guru... I say nothing to contradict this... Coz She only has to wait until she watches me dance) The other is a Greek Lady who is the most straight forward person I ever met in my life. She doesn't decorate neither her praises nor critics, nevertheless extremely helpful, specially with the road etiquettes. I just got back from a walk with her in her area which is not far from where I live. she also offered to help me with my learning Finnish. (The Finns pronounce Finnish like phi nee ssss) 

I have walked the streets of Helsinki with A, window shopped like mad, walked on the frozen lake, On Easter went to the Orthodox church to witness a midnight mass and listened to the crazy sounding (to my ears) carols... (I had a feeling that they were just using easter and jesus over and again...)  And at a friend's place ate a dark chocolaty brown pasty Finnish Easter dessert which reminded me baby food,   naturally sweet tasting because of rye. (B appreciated it much) They mix it with cream after which it resembles our Khubaani Ka meeta (SO I drooled, but couldn't sustain the enthusiasm after tasting it.) 

The days are flying by super fast; I am practicing more yoga and no matter who I tell that to, they invite me to conduct a work-shop, I am not very confident yet if I can charge money for that, So I have accepted to test for free,  Dates are not confirmed yet, you can imagine how much in advance these people plan. (It scares me for I believe in absolute spontaneity, I am sure me and the Finns will come to a common ground at some point)

So Preparing my lessons for my forth coming Yoga work-shops, coordinating with my french friend who is soon coming to India to conduct a film work-shop with street kids,  looking at universities to find work, watching movies, walking around in Huopalahti and galavanting on the web, are my top most activities; they consume most of my day. I also try and look at the finnish recipes but resist trying them out as both times I tried these recipes in the past A ate in silence. I manage also to find spaces to fit cooking washing clothes doing dishes occasional teas and facebooking among these activities. ( You can imagine how busy it is to just stay home :D ) 

We live in a building that was constructed in 1959, a really chic locality I derive from the reactions when I tell people where I live. My neighbours a Finnish couple have 2 cats and they take them out for a walk, with sutili daaram around their cat's necks. It makes me laugh out loud every time I see them for I think that they should be having dogs not cats, or at least use some kind of cat leashes that extends to a minimum of a mile. 

When I see people here with their pets I am reminded of the movie Golden compass as the dogs or cats look like the master's alter egos... they wear matching sweaters sometimes and It warms up my heart :) There are stray hares and foxes here. I didn't sight any foxes but I see soo many hares right in front of my building,I picked up a small piece of wood, that was nibbled up by a stray hare, along with a few rocks...(Hopefully Hares or foxes did nothing with or on them, Just in case- I washed them well before placing them in the window) , an attempt to recreate My home That I left behind.

Every time some one asks me about HOW I LIKE IT IN FINLAND My soul just splits into two... I answer most times that I am doing really fine and that I like it here, which is very true.  What I most times have difficulty explaining is that I truly miss My India, My Hyderabad, My Family, My Plants, My Rocks, My carefully chosen furniture, My Darling friends (who constantly buzz me on Gchat) My Pepsi, My Niece... 

I think everyone back home when I see some things. I am learning Finnish online and I keep thinking of all the jokes that Gopi used to make when I had first started learning French and then with Japanese... I miss Mom's food, and miss her attention, I am glad for the month I stayed with her before coming back here. I miss My Dad, who says soo little but has a sea inside... I miss Thatha's incoherent chatter, I miss My Maid, I even Miss my watchwoman's snoring presence when I enter the building, I don't know why BUT the last 2 days (Maybe Just PMSing) BUT I miss everone SO SO much. 

I pray to god that My Grand mom and Thatha will be in good shape for a long time to come. I am insecure about not being there when something happens to them. 

PS: TEEN MAAR SONGS make me write long posts.

Happy new year.

My flight from Hyd-Bangalore was a little uncomfortable, vomited all through the flight, and I was joking with A about how leaving Hyderabad made me Sick... We had to pay for 5kg's extra weight in Bangalore and if not for A's smart packing I'am sure we would have ended paying a lot more. AFTER A LONG, NO NO AFTER A SUPER LONG NEVER ENDING 4 HOURS in Bangalore we finally got into "AIR FRANCE" And Flew towards EUROPE and I just Blacked out on the flight to wake up to Great French Coffee, and a Documentary on fashion, Landed in PARIS 2 hours later than scheduled. Paris to me sadly didn't feel so new, with seeing so many french people most of my work life, it felt less impactful than I expected, BUT when we took Finnair My stomach started to stirr up with excitement, which still is at the same level even today. 

From the time I got here I have only been crossing out all the prejudices, Finns are super AWESOME. The cold is not so unbearable, once you are well dressed.  Even tho' everyone speaks English it is difficult to shop as all the products are marked in finnish or swedish so it is necessary to know the local language a bit. The food here is NOT unbearably bland, it is succulent and high on Fiber (:p) The sunshine is extraordinary and reflects off of snow causing the eyes to tear. The apartment I now stay in is not as tiny as I was told it was, Also our bed is at a beautiful height; Cats would certainly enjoy such elevation. 

I have visited A's office, MY god it is a TRUE DESIGNERS ADDA. Met his colleagues, Different nationals and very cool people, each with such strong personalities and extremely like-able. Since the time I got here I have visited the CITY CENTRE and Learnt how to look for train timings and get on the trains. The week-end we met up with a friend and AND Yesterday A's friend took us flying over Hyvinkaa, I tasted the Typical Finnish dish Muikka (Yummmy). I tasted Kiwi (the fruit) Touched snow. 

I have been going for walks around the house while A is at work; discovering super-markets, srilankan pizza joints, waving to the people taking their dogs for walks; I miss Pepsi Soo Soo much, I miss EVERYONE of you there. I miss Rajitha soo much, and keep watching her PURRR Video... MOST Of ALL I miss CURD RICE, one thing we don't get here, curd is mixed with some fruit. But when I think of food I miss Mom's capsicum curry and tomato charu... and Hyderabad ka Samosa. YUMMMM Just one week and I have home food cravings. :) 

 

A VERY HAPPY UGADI TO YOU and EAT SOME EXTRA Ugadi pachadi for me. 

Hindi Movie Dialogues...

Some times get me cracked up...

This one from DIL for instance when Raja wants to teach Madhu a lesson when she falsely accuses him of trying to rape her... He takes her to a lonely place where he tells her after terrorizing her "If I want I can ruin your life in 2 minutes" (implying that it would take him 2 minutes to rape her ?)

I was wondering if that is all it takes him to ruin her life ? Just 2 minutes ? 120 seconds that is all ? I mean he has to open his trousers which would take him a good 20 seconds, 100 seconds left... considering Madhu to be a toughie from how her character in the film was built, it certainly would take our Raja at least 40 to 60 seconds to undo her clothing, while she is struggling and throwing punches in his face. Our hero has 40 to 60 seconds left to finally commit the deed, That doesn't do much to the IMAGE of our HERO.

I wish to see some refined dialogues and storyline in our cinema along with the usage of advanced technology and equipment.

Sari

Sari features in the world's essential trivia. 5 to 9 meters of length, least tailored strip of cloth, Sari remains number one costume design to date in the world, Kimono being the immediate second. Sari's history is traced back to the Indus valley civilization and the word is derived from the prakriti (The original unchanged or natural) form of the word Sattika (a piece of information you will get on wikipedia)

What surprises me the most is that sari is a creation of late 16th century and is en vogue even today, Pierre Cardin went out of his way to design saris and newer ways to drape them... I say, nothing beats the designs of the Indian rural weavers. Sari establishes its dynamic design, as it's primary form doesn't change even though there are more than a way to drape a sari, yet it's most common way to drape is popular in the western world. I get an impression that sari defies the global impression of Indian women, as most times I receive questions like "A sari exposes so much waist is that ok?" or "How do you feel about baring your belly ? "

I'm torn between narrating a load of private stories or just sticking to the superficial interesting socially acceptable un-intimate details each time someone asks me about a sari, the occasions when we wear one in India and all the stories associated with it... But Coming back to the questions, Sari is a piece of garment that can cover a woman fully and make her look like a Goddess, or can make a man go wild with just a hint of what it reveals, making her still look like a Goddess, It is a woman's choice when she wants to reveal or conceal, both ways Sari clad woman looks elegant.

A Kimono delicately reveals the nape of a woman's neck, a sari unearths woman's beautiful curves, a western dress shows the delicate limbs...What I understand is that any garment is culturally evolved to accentuate what's socially considered sensuous. I have personally felt most sensuous and extremely elegant at the same time draped in a sari.

In so many words; like each word was essential to explain how the foolish romantics felt...

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

When you love someone; it is like a scripture written on a rock... The rock might change its form but what's written on it will remain infinitely !!!

NOBODY

When you meet people, the very first thing they ask you is WHAT DO YOU DO ? or WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I have been thinking about this a LOT since a VERY LONG time... More so lately with my Hindi classes, when I was conceptualising a lesson on the board for my student, I saw that she would like to know what the person did first and where he comes from next, his or her name features much later in her priority of questions.

This made me reflect a lot more on my original thought, certainly Mr. Gaspard-Gustave Coriolis, The French mathematician who coined the term work in 1826 will turn in his grave with my philosophical questions related to the matter... Yet What kind of a dam can stop the flood of these questions ? and My head rings on with the question WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR US TO KNOW WHAT THE PERSON DOES ???

Does it help us identify how we fit into the person's work life ? Does the work a person does give us a glimpse into how he thinks reacts and lives ??? Does the work by any chance imply an unsaid hierarchy in society ??? a miniature kingdom of our social circles ??? Or is the work one does is what he is ??? I do Understand that one's personality reflects in one's work; is it vice versa as well ???

If you are in the ZERO ACTIVITY or NO Work Mode does it place you on the last step of the ladder where it is Marked NOBODY in caps and bold ???

I just enjoy the way people go off balance and desperately feel for ground beneath their feet when my response to their question is "I am not doing anything..." The immediate 2nd question almost all the time is Ohh So You are a House wife... making the question sound more like a statement, to the horror of most I tell them That A is not in India and leave them with their own Question as I remain with Mine.

“I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.” - J D Salinger

Awesomeness less spoken of...

Chakinaalu, Rice pound with cumin and some magic twisted on to a cloth in to round marvelousness, dried and fried... A Must have delicacy for Sankranthi Andhra Pradesh's harvest Festival...

I share a secret

Not a VERY Big secret BUT a secret NEVERTHELESS. I couldn't tell my parents or my in laws that I acted in a film, even though it is a shortfilm on Human rights, more over a non commercial film.

A friend of mine googled my name and this is what she found along with my blogs and FB account. Well, So I decided to let the cat out.

It was such an experience dressed like a tribe maneuver the cows and then go through the Hyderabadi (simulated) traffic... ORDEAL !!!

1. I bruised my hand.
2. Uttered "Oh My Cow" (Which I was not supposed to... How does a Tribal lady speak English ha ?)
3. Wore make-up... to add up to Murali's $%^&* (can't find the right word to use here)
4. Addressed my Claustrophobia

Yet; To me it all felt like a taste of cloud.

It happens only in India

An image from last night at the railway station in Vijayawada, These kids were going to Delhi to work in a restaurant and their train was delayed indefinitely, So here is what they DID... Slept Snug like puppies :)

2010

I have about 18 Draft posts pending to be published between the 3 blogs that I manage. Some of them are such personal crib-scribbles that I typed out because I coudn't tell them to anyone else, where as some are pending because I don't have photographs... and SO ON are the endless excuses I have found to not publish those Draft posts.

I have welcomed NYE lieing down still on the bed, because of the lunar eclipse that occured on 31st night, for about one hour forty minutes while my mom sat herself on a chair beside me telling me the significance of this month "Dhanurmasam" (It is an extremely auspicious month for Brahmans) Which led to other interesting stories from Ramayanam Mahabharatam and Bhagavatam. Keeping us awake till 2 am. Some of these stories are my favorite specially coz of how my mom garnishes them with different elements at different times that she narrates them to me. For the N'th time I enjoyed the way my mom gave more and more details that were censored to me as a child.

This time her stories had an air of philosophical intensity.

01 01 10

I Spent the first day of 2010 with my Mom just cutting veggies for her while she cooked and spoke about her concerns (which are countable on a single hand), ate with her, napped with her went to 2 temples with her, while she told me her childhood temple stories. I suddenly felt the urge to get to know my Mom, and I regreted every occassion I have made excuses to not go out with her or meet her in the last 2 years. MY crazy girl she is.

She told me that she had really simple resolutions for this year.

1. BE HAPPY
2. Just Take IT all Easy
3. Make NO efforts to meet people half way who hurt her over and again inspite of all the efforts she made in the past.

(And these are mine)

1. Complete all my scripts
2. Hybernate
3. Adopt mom's resolutions

Sounds complicated even as I write the list down. I know that I'll expose myself over and again to the people who hurt me as I have always did, and will find excuses to Not take things easy... My complicated head just doesn't understand the pleasures of a shavaasana. Why all the drama, I'll just be HAPPY and I know the rest will all take care of itself. If Not I have MOM (:P)

SO here is wishing you all a GREAT New YEAR, You were wished Happiness Love Peace and all the Blah Blah... I would like to wish you NOTHING. As only an empty vessel makes enough noise to attract NEW things to it.

Lakshmi