I am "E" and He is "A"

I am as simple as You perceive me and as Complicated as you estimate.

I Love my dog, I love to cook, I enjoy watching Movies... I watch at least 2 films a day. I don't have TV and don't ever Intend to have one. I don't like to tell people about My age.

MY WEAKNESSES...

I TAKE NO PRIDE IN THEM...
THEY DON'T HINDER MY CONFIDENCE...
BUT THEY CAN'T BE IGNORED AS THEY POP OUT ONCE IN A WHILE TO REMIND ME...
'HERE WE ARE... EVEN WE INSPITE OF BEING WEAK CAN HUMBLE YOU, BUT YOUR CONFIDENCE IS YOUR ENEMY DON'T TRUST IT, IT LETS YOU DOWN WHEN YOU MOST NEED IT.'

CALVIN'S POEM ON MOM AND DAD !!!

My mom and my dad are not what they seem.
Their dull appearance is part of their scheme.
I know of their plans. I know their techniques.
My parents are outer space alien freaks!

They landed on earth in spaceships humongous.
Posing as grownups, they now walk among us.
My parents deny this, but I know the truth.
They're here to enslave me and spoil my youth.

Early each morning, as the sun rises,
Mom and dad put on their earthling disguises.
I knew right away their masks weren't legit.
Their faces are lined - they sag and don't fit.

The earth's gravity makes them sluggish and slow.
They say not to run, wherever I go.
They live by the clock. They're slaves to routines.
They work the year 'round. They're almost machines.

They deny that TV and fried food have much worth.
They cannot be human. They're not of this earth.
I cannot escape their alien gaze,
And they're warping my mind with their alien ways.
For sinister plots, this one is a gem.
They're bringing me up to turn me into them!

CALVIN IS ADORABLE !!!

Ahhhhhh, The Transmogrifier.

I LOVE IT WHEN CALVIN GOES IN AND COMES OUT AS KUTTI TIGER... GOD HE IS SO UMMAAAAAAABLE. AND WHEN HE GOES FOR SWIMMING LESSONS IN SCHOOL AND WHEN TOLD ABOUT DEAD MAN FLOAT HE JUST SCREAMS HIS GUTS OUT.
I HAD SIMILAR REACTION WHEN TOLD ABOUT THE DEAD MAN'S FLOAT. I IDENTIFY WITH CALVIN BANG ON. CALVIN MAKES ME FEEL THAT THE PROBLEMS I GO THROUGH ARE SHARED BY SOME ONE ELSE, AND THAT GIVES ME A STRANGE STRENGTH. I TAKE SOLACE IN THE FACT THAT I RELATE TO CALVIN AND HOBBES AND AM NOT ALONE THINKING ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE SOMETHINGS AROUND ME ARE.

YOU KNOW TODAY I ALSO REALISED THAT ALL CALVIN AND HOBBES STRIPS WERE WRITTEN IN ALL-CAPS.

favoritism shown by Parents

You must have seen in friends how Ross is the favorite child and can be excused for anything and everything where as Monica always has to work to even get a tiny bit of warmth...

Well Its super funny to watch on T.V; But to watch some thing like that in real life happen to some one in close proximity to you is NOT A BIT FUNNY. Already In some families there preferences like a boy or a girl, dark or fair, thin or plump, slow or intelligent.

I really can't understand how parents do that to their own children, can you imagine what the child must go through silently by himself, he may not actually realise as elaborately on how he is being treated unequally but it will certainly reflect in his relation with his sibling and how he could perform in school, outside with friends. causing parents to further dislike him... Thus they get caught in the vicious circle.

The one being treated like the "APPLE OF THE EYE" will become more and more over confident and the other will become more and more Under confident and What parents can never realise is that they will both Suffer.

I am witnessing this everyday in my building and don't understand how to explain it to the parents. Both their children are unique in their own way, already its not fair to compare them constantly it is a BIG BIG SIN more over kiss hug over indulge one child and cuss the other one out is DISGUSTING. ITS HORRIBLE. sometimes I see how one of the child looks hungrily for some of the hugs that her sibling gets and can't ask because of some fear, is SAD.

I wish Parents can understand that it is a way of conditioning the child to think that he doesn't deserve the good things in life or be timid and inexpressive in life, THIS IS HORRIBLE.

I am just getting carried away and taking this personally. I am very HURT right now. and I am empathetic to that child.

After thoughts : Its also funny to read calvin say that he is glad that he doesn't have siblings coz he doesn't want to be a killer...

JUST A QUESTION... WHY DO PARENTS DO THIS ??? WEREN'T THEY ONCE CHILDREN WHO SUFFERED THIS ???

Calvin and hobbes...

I bought my first copy of Calvin and Hobbes...
GOD I love Bill waterson soo much. I was thinking of him so much coz of what has been happening at work and today with elections...

CALVIN mirrors the society around us so wonderfully and it is hilarious in the comic strip but can you imagine how unbearable he can be and at the other times how wonderful he is.

I just keep thinking of Calvin as a real person.

Fly away now !!!

I am now ready to let the BUTTERFLY FLY away ...

I had it closed with my fingers entwined almost suffocating it... BUT now I sing to it saying "Go my dear fly fly fly away, here I open my palms and my heart... take all the colours away WITH YOU...

How boring are all the colours you had flashing at me... My life in Black and white is more interesting.

I say my last goodbyes to you... and blow the last trace of colour you left on my palms... AND saw the plainness of my hands glint back at me.

Did you say Good bye or See You Soon ???

I picked up the pieces of my Broken heart...

My support system in place, all well engineered to imitate the times of pleasure. They know why I go to them, so They make me laugh, hug me and show me how special I am...

I am reminded of something, someone, and I look over my shoulder, I felt you standing behind me.

NOTHING, NOONE.

AND a dark shadow marred my smile.

THEY make me look forward to my week-ends... I have them packed so I have no time to miss you, at the end of a tired day, I sigh my tears out and sleep.

I still don't remember if you murmured A good bye or a See you again to me, was lost in that Half Hug. I sigh again, no more supply of tears... STILL busy picking up those shattered pieces of my heart, and SMILE.

I love the beauty of BROKEN hearts and I made friends with Misery, Funny Misery gave up on me too and I LAUGH SO loud.

SOME FUNNY THINGS ABOUT ME THAT MY COLLEAGUES NOTICE..

I conducted a tiny work shop this afternoon for team building and FOR me it was JUST a FUN THING TO DO at work, BUT my team participated with such gusto that it had become SERIOUS FUN.

Its a simple game, everyone stands in a circle with one person in between, this person is like the bottle in "SPIN THE BOTTLE", where he turns with an out stretched hand and closed eyes while I (in charge of the game counts) and stops turning when I stop counting. who ever the bottle person points everyone in the circle has to tell the first thing that occurs to us about the person. So after the game was over they wanted me to participate as they wanted to tell me somethings they notice about me. and here are some real FUNNY things THAT I wouldn't ever have noticed about myself...

1. I always TALK as if am teaching.
2. That I have funny obsession with lip gloss.
3. I walk extremely gracefully when I wear salwar kameez or sari and skip hop dance-walk when I wear jeans.
4. When I am angry I talk so low that I almost whisper.. ( I don't know which one of them were at the receiving end of my ANGER... I AM SO ASHAMED for that AND I apologised)
5. I smile and laugh out loud when working ( ahem ahem... that's when I am chatting with my friends) and I knew I laughed loud, BUT didn't know I smiled too.
6. WHEN I make EYE contact with out smiling THEY are scared. ( I never thought of myself as some one scary... in fact I keep thinking I should be a LITTLE more stern)
7. I always match all my accessories... ( I used to pay a lot of attention to my dressing when in college now its just become mechanical and I like that they notice it. )
8. I talk to everyone at work, including the house keeping staff and the security staff. ( some of my seniors actually find it offensive that I prefer to speak to security and house keeping staff and not them. ) THAT IS An interesting snippet about me.
9. When I ask for something ( like bring a bottle of water from outside) my voice becomes like a little child's.
10. I remember a LOT of their personal details. ( I really didn't think I did, BUT I am happy that I can cover up so smoothly.
and Finally
11. After I got my head shaved I touch my hair/head too much. (I gotta stop doing that. I am sometimes self conscious now.)

SOMETHING that they don't know and I knew this morning is that IF not for my team I would hate working here. THEY are JUST amazing bunch of engineers, very unexposed to the world outside and so are impressed by someone as simple as me. THEY should rightfully be doing graduation and not working. the eldest with 6 years of work experience is 24. I find it UNJUST.

SIGH SIGH SPIDER

PEPPY PEPSI Pep's Up my LIFE

I talk to her and she is so attentive, when I'm lonesome she smiles at me with her tail,expressing more with her tail in seconds than I could ever express with my tongue in hours. She understands my moods and obeys my commands, When I am in the Room she sees nothing BUT me, When she looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands and my face it feels like I have conquered the world, Such adoration and such unconditional love...
Her dragon breath wakes me up every morning. EVERY TIME I come back home, even if I had to have left for a few minutes she shows HOW much she missed me...
the way she greets me... and then rubs her nose on my new clothes, For the good Lord knows what I did to get PEPSI, MY heartbeat she is.

She is like a compass only she points to ME not to North...

HE IS NO ONE WE KNOW

Did you ever experience being lost and have a very familiar looking stranger who looks you straight into your eyes with a smile dancing in his own eyes and give you directions ?

I went out with a friend to look at old furniture, we are both real big fans of furniture that is NOT made in 21st century. And she knew a shop where there was furniture from when the English were in India.

But when we went to where the shop was originally supposed to be... IT WAS NOT THERE. we both look at each other with utter disappointment as its quite normal for shops like this to disappear, run by real old men driven by the passion for what they do.

KYA HUA MADAM JI... ( what happened Madam ?) words rung from behind us, voice like rusted iron,he was a man with used up body filled with pounds and pounds of optimism, that shines through his eyes... propelling so much positivity... That I was dumbstruck. HE to me looked honest, I couldn't guess his age, he could be anything between 45 and 60.

My friend explained the situation to him and asked if he knew anything about the shop, He knew of course... My instinct gave me the answer even before he said yes. He patiently explained how to get to the changed address... it just moved on to the other side...

BUT lanes in generalbazar are extremely confusing and their shakal (facade) keeps changing everyday faster than the lines on the palms. we thank him trying to look confident, as we are both disoriented, and head off...

MADAME ji MADAME ji... again rings the now almost familiar voice... we turn back to see the Strange man walking fast as if the road was made of burning coal, he approached us and took a minute to catch his breath and said "hum ko maaloom tha ki aap shop ko miss karke jaoge" (I knew you'll miss the shop and go past)
And then he said he'll guide us...

So he was following us, my friend found this pretty dicey and was apprehensive of the man's motives... and I was doubtful too for a moment... HE didn't notice any of our perplexity, walking a step ahead to turn and look over his shoulder now and then with a half smile, while talking away about when he first came to Hyderabad in 1960's as a boy...

His Enthusiasm was super duper contagious, Both of us reflected the spring in his step, and walking behind him we both exchanged a knowing glance that conveyed "if he asks for money at the end of it all... we GIVE" simple !!!

Doubts erased LIFE GOT SIMPLER we began to enjoy his company, asked him questions... about the city he came from, reasons for his emigration, about Hyd... his family and how he could still retain the way he spoke north Indian hindi and not speak like a Hyderababi... Our questions were numerous and he had hilarious responses to them all. I liked him more and more.

Ai dekhiye madam ji, aap ka Dukhan... (Viola Madam the your shop) HE flashed us his teeth ranging from off white to yellow... HIS smile is like a lightning that gets embedded forever in the heart. I smiled back at him. felt like a bulb in the sunlight.

We were happy to find our shop and make a friend, My friend rushed into the shop, and I put my hand into my bag to pull out my wallet with my eyes turned away just a second to look at the object I was pulling out, I found my wallet and opened it to see notes various denomination peeping out, I had a moments hesitation before I pulled a 50 out, ashamed to tag his time with such little sum... I looked up to where he was... NOT THERE... WHERE was HE ??? I saw him at the end of the lane walking away as if the ROAD was MADE of COAL, from where I stood it looked like he was dancing away into sunset.

His company that day was priceless... I thought of him as I went to that OLD FURNITURE shop again today.

I am still ashamed to have entertained that people do things as they expect something in return, NO there STILL are some brilliant angels with smiling eyes and rusted Iron voice laced with Chewing tobacco, and THUNDER bolt smiles.

Wish to Spot him again so I could just have chai with him and ask him more questions about his life. AND HIS NAME !

euphony or cacaphony ???

Is there a Time machine that can transport me to when I had my feet flying 3 inches above the ground ???

when the hell did I get down to earth ???

I miss me who could JUST do all the radical stuff without thinking parents, parents in law, uncles aunts or neighbors, didn't care two hoots for anybody... NOW any new thought that I fancy doing I think of ALL the people I know and care for and THINK of what they think... I was wiser when younger I guess 'cause how the hell does what I do effect them in anyway? it JUST serves as a piece of gossip, so I was actually helping to pep up their boring lives. I didn't quite think shaving my head was radical, yet someones OLD STUCK UP TRADITIONAL sentiments are hurt so I can't go visit them until my hair grows back... hmmpphh. I hate this me who is getting sucked up into the same societal norms that I ridiculed all others for.

I JUST want to take off and TRAVEL on to never come back maybe I'll get news about home, hope that everyone I know will be fine and wish for everything to be same. BUT don't want to stay here supervising.

I JUST want to go to never come back until I crave for my mom's lap.

BUT I am worried about what "they" say about staying away for so long from my husband, what "they" say about not still having children... "THEY" are slowly taking over my life to turn it into a life that resembled theirs... to reassure themselves in some sorts.

I JUST have to find courage to float again, and stay afloat.

I JUST want to live a life with a practical heart and a Romantic mind.

FEELIE FEELERS

I feel a feel , a funny feel , a funny feel I feel, if you feel the feel I feel, is the feel you feel is what I feel?

Not so long ago everything was different, She was part of the world and the world was part of her. The dreams would make her smile, the peace brought by the slumber making her face glow, though she would get off the bed halfheartedly, reluctant to stop dreaming the beautiful dreams, she would stretch languidly and open her lazy eyes to the hasty day, smile after smile creasing her face, an indication of welcome to a new day. Of course there were always botherations of life, various bewilderments about living, stress and doubt of future all ganged up and waiting outside the door about to ring her doorbell, not far, STILL LIFE felt good.

Though the pressures of life still danced in her mind when the sight of pillows slept in... sheets thrown aside, and more than one empty coffee mug in the sink greeted her, she smiled

Peace.

NOW, EVERYTHING is different.

Now she gets up to a day that seems like pretty much same as any other day, similar rigmarole, same fan making asymmetrical patterns on the ceiling... same boring taste of the toothpaste, same scenes through the window... Everything around seems effortless and mind numbing...

A lizard chases its prey, gulps it down, "Yuck" escapes her lips and tears flow out... same pain, same emptiness. with a weightless Heart, she stops an other second to look at the trace of life that existed a minute ago... a splash of colour that's looking paler than black and white. fragrance from the garden only reminding the death used in the compost... Blue clouds making morbid patterns in the sky. flowers that sway in the cool breeze look teasingly unnatural and plastic. NOTHING TOUCHES HER... she is more infertile than a land that is abused and is promising to soon turn into desert dust.

She heads out making no eye contact with faceless People on the street... hissing out sighs each time random memories, and more random emotions run like reels in her head... times of tears and laughter, both spill onto her cheeks as big fat tears... leaving her feeling like an old abandoned coat, that's still hanging.

Everything around is frozen into a picture that needs dusting, her gaze always searching never focused, walk deliberate as if walking on a tight rope. smile mechanical eyes careful to hide their glassiness, she touches a new leaf, an intense desire to feel the beauty with her hungry fingers... NOTHING, JUST same numbness...and her heart beats on ... ache, amusement, pain, hilarity, sadness, joy, agony everything feels same NUMB.

A sudden shift of mood and it almost looks like things would change, smell of spring and something in her stirs causing her to smile, spreading it to her eyes... and second later she realises that she dare not dream, hope and dreams were bottled up and thrown away, she sees the whimsicality of it all... a short gasp escapes her from deep within her chest expelling the last traces of courage she had and she wakes up... shaking with an unknown fear, a fear of choice, a gripping dull prolonged pain, certain to loose someone... the day Continues... so does she.